We are sexual beings from the cradle to grave and our sexual selves don’t disappear as we age. Join discussions to promote further understanding on sex & sexuality along with the practical use of wellness principles​.

Apr. 4, 2017

 

When we hear the word freedom, we usually define it as the absence of restriction beyond the reach of oppression, judgment or  inhibition. But we could also view freedom as a positive moving toward life and a search to connect out of free will. In fact, the freedom to do and to feel, to love, to experience, to fulfill our potential...that is TRUE freedom.

 

Typically, the call for freedom in a relationship confuses it with autonomy, with having "my own space." Yet a healthy relationship requires mutual autonomy, allowing both voices to be heard and authentic selves to grow without either trying to manipulate the other or impose a given outcome. So what seems like an agitated demand for relationship freedom might actually be a desire to escape frightening confrontation. It may be a coping mechanism learned in childhood, often through time-outs, the forced isolation of children to resolve their issues alone which, of course, they cannot possibly do. Discuss a different way to talk to one another that works for the both of you.

When such neglectful emotional exile is what we live and learn, we may develop a compulsive need for freedom from people, leading to love avoidance in relationships when we are adults. This type of enslavement to deadening, detrimental withdrawal patterns out of fear of intimacy is the very opposite of freedom.

 

We attain the freedom to relate with unconditional love by acknowledging and addressing personal issues, and by building our relationships on trust and trustworthiness. Valuing ourselves and others empowers us with the freedom to care deeply without fear of rejection and disappointment. The freedom to forgive, perhaps the hardest freedom to capture, consecrates our own impure impulses, permitting the light of awareness to illuminate them and to let us work them out.

In these ways, freedom to feel and to act frees us from our habitual self, and frees us to become our best self. 

 

Thanks for reading.

As always,

Live. Well. Now.

 

Mar. 27, 2017

No matter what the circumstances  may seem, we have the ability to stay serene. Whenever we notice that we are losing our serenity, we tend to find those comfortable spaces that show us how you lose ourselves through our addiction to discontent, anger, anxiety, shame, drama, or chaos. These  habits are the key factors that rob us of our rightful serenity. The lack of serenity is not just a signal of reactivity; it's also a reinforcement, that creates constant ripples of reactivity pulling us even further and further from our serenity. 

 

Sex and attraction are perfect playing fields to mark the depth and constancy of our serenity. Our ability to be present for the sex act no matter what happens (especially when the combustible energies flooding our system go from arousal to satisfaction), whether giving, receiving, anticipating, fulfilling, we're always ready to let go, to go for the gold! So sex always brings up desire, but can sometimes frustrate it too. To keep our serenity within all of that, to focus on the engagement with a partner,  can help build the healthy emotional muscles that maintain your serenity in daily life. 

 

Thanks for reading.

 

As always,

Live. Well. Now.

Mar. 13, 2017

Love is a relief and through that relief, you can find release. It's a relief to find someone who is complimentary and matches our inner vision along with our energetic one. We might not even have realized how lonely we were, or have paid much attention to the angst and yearning, or simply did not know what those feelings were.

 

We all have unknown stress...from not belonging, not sharing others' feelings or interests, fearing that we'll never deeply connect with another. To connect even for a moment on some level brings relief to swallowed stress and all the ailments that come with it. The arts usually depict the lover's sigh of relief as a swoon, but it could just as easily signify sadness, regret, dismay or boredom.

 

Where there's a sigh, there's a provocation and a need for release.

 

People who sigh during sexual engagement or in a partner's embrace might seem to be in their own solitary experience, but that is the smallest form of release and only the tip of the iceberg.  The slightest touch can release repressed tension that may be deeper than that of the current situation. Some of us, whether healers or seducers, have taken the time to hone the ability to read those vibrations, learning that touching more than skin...touching life's tension while letting your partner know it is ok to be vulnerable, can cause a  cacophony of erotic releases.

 

 A release feels like it comes from the gut and the heart. It's an intimate form of communication in a way, as if words were superfluous. Is it possible to release without feeling safe? Releasing signifies trust...a seed that may sprout into full bloom but is not yet at that stage if the trust is not there. A release can be a beautiful way we express that we feel safe enough to share feelings. Stop waiting to exhale and come for a workshop that can show you how to truly release yourself.

 

Thanks for reading.

As Always,

Live. Well. Now.

Mar. 1, 2017

Our intentions filter our perception of the world, so set them with great care! For instance, love addicts project their unsolicited romantic intentions onto others who may not at all be of like mind or even reciprocate their feelings, and sex addicts sexualize even the most simple non-sexual situations through the lense of narrow intentions.

 

In contrast, setting  healthy intentions means formulating and, most importantly, following a conscious, realistic aim and plan. How often have you resolved to make a change only to find your will-power give in and your resolution vaporize? To intend requires that you pursue an effective course of action related to an attainable purpose. Your intention can be as simple as respecting your relationship or as challenging as manifesting a treasured ideal in your life. The work is to keep your Attention on your Intention and to take small actions every day to realize it.

 

When it comes to love relationships, most of us rarely set intentions beyond those vows of marriage. We seem to fall into a stupor thinking that we'll never have to reevaluate our goals or dreams with our partners. Many are afraid to have needed conversations with their partners about how they and their intentions have changed over time (YES! THEY DO CHANGE!), even when it's obvious. We all can be dynamic, novelty-seeking creatures and we live in a world that never stays the same so, naturally, you and your life will change, whether you set new intentions or not. Make the journey and great one and evoke your courage to envision the life you'd like to have, now. Talk to your partner about your latest hopes, and dare to set bold intentions together and separately. Find ways to attend to your intentions and watch them manifest into the adventurous life you desire.

Go big!

 

Thanks for reading.

As always,

Live. Well. Now.

Feb. 13, 2017

If we (metaphorically) sleep-walk through life, we miss the abundance, beauty, joy, and wonder life has to offer. If we sleep-walk through our relationships, we miss the same and more. Your partner has unique qualities to share with you if you're awake and present enough to notice. Rise from your apathy for yourself and your partner by calling forth memories of times that were filled with play and joy, and bring those attributes into your relationship and into your sex life today and everyday, not just because it's Valentine's Day. 

 

When you choose to stir that which has been asleep you may at first feel groggy, like that early-morning riser, not knowing exactly how to orient yourself or find your way. Trust that your senses will awaken one by one, because you've chosen respect, acceptance and connection of self and your intention to activate your relationship and sex life!

 

Thanks for reading.

As always,

Live. Well. Now.