Sep. 13, 2015

Pain Is Real

 
Pain can be mostly emotional or mostly physical, but always combines some of both. When a love relationship ends, we feel broken hearted because we literally feel pain in our heart. Attachments that are woven when we fall in love and when we love over time bind us together, ending that relationship can feel just like losing a part of ourselves because we can't separate brain, mind, body pain. 
 
Sexual pain differs from other sorts of pain. Pain tolerance is as unique as fingerprints and can be trauma-based or chosen. It's not uncommon for unresolved trauma to manifest itself in the body, creating conditions like painful intercourse for women or performance anxiety for men. How we navigate painful sex can mean the difference between a lifetime of healthy or a lifetime of unhealthy sexual practices. For some, unresolved trauma has become part of a sexual/pain arousal game and can become a dangerous one indeed. When psychological pain follows physical pain during sex, it can send a message that the habit of pain is out of alignment with one's real self. Ignoring that pain by continuing those sexual behaviors will lead to exhaustion and despair. But for others, sexual pain during consensual sexual play times that are considered mutually fun, shows that a couple has talked about what turns them on sexually...but we still need to practice discernment.
 
When  problems like back, knee, or post-surgical discomfort get in the way, it's time to learn different sexual positions, incorporate breathing exercises, and slow down to a pace that is comfortable for both partners. Work on mental health through conversations with your partner to create an atmosphere of relaxation, and you will help expand pain-free sex even after injury. In these instances, we have both to grieve the loss of the body's mobility, and avoid the additional pain of comparing our self to how we once were or to other people. Take the time to investigate what positions feel most comfortable and what care you can take for each other (like propping your back up with a pillow) in order to have more enjoyable sex. Learning to take these few but important steps with you partner can help to insure a positive experience for the both of you.
 
 

Thanks for reading.

As always,

Live.​ Well​. Now.