Oct. 21, 2015
The Dating Game
To succeed in dating, it's essential to identify the common denominator in all your relationships. The first thing that comes to your mind may be the traits you seek in all your dates. But the real common factor is YOU.
All the thrills and stresses of dating reflect our expectations about human connection. From a very young age, we developed specific ideas about relationships. Some of us experienced abandonment; others were smothered. Our experiences shape what we seek, and fear, in a mate. Building a relationship requires self-understanding. We must first know ourselves intimately if we hope to connect with another authentically.
Self-understanding also helps us evaluate our dates, letting us process and learn from our feelings when we're together or apart. But when sex is introduced too early, the neurochemical intensity can distort our awareness, making it hard to distinguish between attraction and compatibility or simple lust. Attraction is that immediate but unmistakable warmth drawing us to someone. Compatibility is discovered as we relate, day to day, in happy harmony with someone and Lust is...well lust. In the long run, relationships flourish more through companionship, trust and honest communication than anything else.
When sizing up a possible partner, if we think too intellectually about who "would be good" for us, or conversely rely too heavily on the chemistry of what "feels good" to us, our perception becomes unbalanced. It's best to judge slowly, deeply, and in detail. Get to know someone in a leisurely way, as though you were reading a wonderful book for the first time. Savor each turn of phrase and page, and trust that the ending will unfold if you have faith in the process and stay true to your core goals and values.
Thanks for reading.
Live. Well. Now.