Apr. 29, 2016
We all have good reasons for postponing quality time with a partner, playing hooky from get-togethers with friends, or cancelling dates with a prospective new man or woman. A sickness, an impending deadline, a change of material or emotional circumstances are all common excuses. Certainly, allowing someone into your REAL, occasionally messy life as it unfolds can be an authentic way of connecting beyond the mask of perfection; If you're not in the mood, inviting others into where you're at can be transformative, good thing. But if rain checks are your habitual way of not relating to people, you might as well pass out a card that says, "I'm not present" along with your phone number.
For anyone in recovery from sex or love addiction, a rain check during a no-dating period might circumvent the commitment to sexual and emotional sobriety by simply disengaging. It can be a way of keeping sex or love addiction alive, the way Voldemort (He-who-must-not-be-named from the world of Harry Potter) put parts of his soul in other people to stay alive in case his main body was destroyed. If our fix has been to use other people to escape our own reality, then a rain check in recovery is a way of doing just that by distracting the brain with far-off fantasies to avoid fully committing to a new set of actions.
Sometimes the only way to become present is to start doing things that are contrary to what we've been doing. When situation after situation just "doesn't feel right," maybe it's time to shine the light on what YOU are contributing to what feels wrong. There's a saying that the universe doesn't give us energy until we take the next right action, which runs counter to the common misstep of waiting for the "right energy" in order to act.
Next time...think before you say "I'll take a rain check".
Thanks for reading.
Live. Well. Now.