Aug. 25, 2016

Sexual Apathy


Sexual apathy might affect any one of us unexpectedly, but usually someone significant in your life (like a partner) said or did something hurtful. If you decide not to discuss what was done/said, that issue gets swallowed and, like a parasite, will slowly drain the body-mind relationship and the desire to engage sexually unless the originating source of pain is examined, confronted and healed.

The fact that we lose interest in people, hobbies, and life may also indicate unhealthy patterns and perceptions rather than be the outcome of any single cause. We all know the experience of sitting in bed feeling exhilarated one day and totallty not feeling it the very next day.

The issue is not whether we need to find a more fulfilling bed.

To practice healthy behavior and pursue our heartfelt goals, we sometimes have to sheild ourselves against momentary distractions such as boredom, resistance, and becoming disillusioned, which can all be forms of self-sabotage. In the same way, when going on a fabulous vacation and experiencing those tedious layovers between destinations, we don't walk down the airport terminal thinking, "Oh, no! If this is what the rest of the trip is like... it's going to be terrible." (at least you don't want to be thinking that way!) We've seen the brochure; we know we're going to reach that sandy beach.

Keep THAT mindset instead.

All relationships hit sexual rough patches, and sometimes problems can seem permanent. There's no crystal ball to knowing whether we're still engaged in a healthy partnership that's going to have longevity, or when it's really dried up and we should move on.  Asking "Is it me or is it her/him?" is where it usually starts, but the ONLY 3 questions to ask of yourself and your partner are:

1. Do you/they KNOW?

2. Are you/they ABLE?

3. Are you/they WILLING? (this is most imprtant)

If we lead rich lives and take responsibility for feeling whole, fulfilled, and interested, we have less need to seek constant external confirmation and can instead bask in our self-generated feelings of respect, acceptance and connection.

 

Thanks for reading.

As always,

Live. Well. Now.