Nov. 22, 2016

The "F" Word

When a relationship lasts, we see it as a success and want to tell everyone we know how and what to do in their own situation, but if it ends we hide it as long as possible and lable it as a "failed" attempt. The same goes with failed business ventures, failed careers, failed aspirations. And after too many repeated misfortunes, or because of poor self-esteem, we don't just see what's failed, we think of ourselves as failures.

Of course, this totally demeans and denies the true nature of the entire experience, including any good times or accomplishments along the way, the constant forging of inner character that happens when you engage with others and the fact that you did learn and grow from the connection.

We can sometimes direct this tendency outward, too. When people let us down, falling short of OUR expectations or moral standards, we can so easily see them as "complete and utter failures." When people do what we see as bad things, we confuse the wrong actions they committed with the person they are. We mistake doing with being. We're usually more forgiving of our own mistakes because we can see the chain of circumstances leading up to them but we do not take the pause to see that in others. Change the language...listen to how sad it sounds that we see ourselves, or anyone, as "failures" simply for not reaching a particular potential.

 

It's said that sometimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place. The traumas of our so-called failures allow greater emotional connection by knocking down the false billboard of ego and teaching us empathy for others who miss their marks. Often we don't even realize how disconnected we really are from other people's pain until we feel some of it ourselves!

The truth is that, without connection and empathy, success, love, sexual engagement and relationships are hollow and lonely. To attempt any goal, to dare to fail, to grieve the loss of our fake self-image, and to make a true attempt to understand every other person who has done the same, can only be seen as a success in the development of our soul.

 

Thanks for reading.

As always,

Live. Well. Now.