One of the real dangers in love relationships is that most people secretly believe that they must control the object of their affections in order to feel safe in the loving and being loved. Whenever we hit on the idea of influencing our partner's behavior or shaping how our relationship "should" go, we may want to pause and check whether such thoughts are a sign of control issues. Trying to restrain another's actions and emotions is a recipe for disaster, born from a need to orchestrate outcomes which, in itself is born from insecurity. Dropping your internal story about not being good enough, old traumas from past relationships, the need to control the narrative and instead surrendering to pleasure, is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your partner. Get out of self-consciousness and open your heart. Then you can move past your ideas about the outcome of your sexual experience and yield to the possibilities of its happenings that are beyond your control. Stay open and give way to the chance that something amazing, healing, and beautiful can occur without your having to direct or control the result based on your old behaviors that really should no longer serve you.
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Live. Well. Now.